Insect Hollywood Vol. II: The Wildlife Casting Couch

Terminix Canada may offer wildlife control in the GTA, but we don’t mind taking periodic, hypothetical trips to Hollywood as long as we’re back in time to ensure that your home is pest-free.

We first forayed into insects who’d excel on the big screen, but now we’re casting wildlife for the small screen world of sitcoms!

Raccoons: The Jerk Friend

Raccoons are vicious, menacing rodents.

When cornered by canines, they’ll jab eyes to blind and chests to collapse the dog’s lungs. Even worse? They’ll use their jagged nails to tear open an innocent canine’s abdomen! Racoons will maul unsuspecting humans too, spreading parasites, rabies, and other diseases. There’s a reason we offer racoon removal services!

And yet, much like that one jerk friend, they always have that one redeeming quality. In the instance of racoons, one must respect the resourcefulness of these bandit-faced devils. City raccoons are so intelligent and adaptable, that they have caused structural changes to city garbage bins, despite lacking opposable thumbs. No matter what way you swing it, a raccoon’s ability to agitate is downright impressive!

Our Pitch: A raccoon is a perfect fit for the jerky friend in an ensemble sitcom about a group of friends. In fact, the jerkiest ones often become the most fan favourites! Just ask George from Seinfeld!

Potential Spin-Off: How I Mated with Your Mother

Opossums: The Anti-Social Curmudgeon

Opossums are loners by nature, and while nomadic, they actually prefer staying in the same spot while there’s food and shelter available. That’s why you’ll find them comfortably nesting underneath your home, with no intention of vacating the premises!

Our Pitch: An anti-social possum has found the ideal living space- underneath a mansion in Beverly Hills, with a lifetime supply of food! But this deal is too good to be true, since the space is occupied by another sub-floor dweller: an eccentric, kooky skunk! The skunk’s antics endlessly irritate the moody possum, but our main protagonist isn’t beyond concocting conniving plots to rid himself of his pungent roommate!

Potential Spin-Off: Stinky and the Pain

Snakes: The Sassy Sidekick

Snakes use their tongues for directional sensory, allowing them to analyze environments in order to track prey. They are ruthless hunters, who unapologetically swallow their prey whole. Species such as boa constrictors are known to kill prey by suffocating (re: constricting) them with their coils.

The Pitch: An over-sensitive snake charmer who has recently moved to India navigates his way through the world of romance in his new home, with guidance from his sassy boa constrictor. The snake’s sharp tongue (pun intended) and ruthlessness make for witty barbs that crush his charmer’s spirit, worse than its vice-like coils could crush his windpipe!

The sassy sidekick is a sitcom staple, and we believe a boa constrictor could coil itself comfortably into this role.

Potential Spin-Off: Boa Knows

Dreaming up scripts for wildlife is fun. But you know what isn’t fun? When that wildlife infests your home, spreading their filth and disease throughout your living space!

That’s why Terminix Canada offers racoon, opossum, skunk, snake and other wildlife removal services. If you require pest, or wildlife control – contact us for a consultation!