You’ve been given hundreds of million dollars to write, produce and direct a movie, carte blanche- except for one catch. Your benefactor has a specific idea in mind for your foray into Hollywood: they want the lead role to go to a – wait for it – bug. A six legged, creepy, crawly bug.
Your creative aspirations now somewhat road-blocked, you need to problem solve. After all, A Bug’s Life and Antz were successful forays in the world of insect cinema, plus David Cronenberg’s The Fly is considered to be a cinematic masterpiece. Surely with an unlimited budget and an equally unlimited imagination, you can make this work! You just need to think of the right insect you can build your franchise around.
Don’t worry, Terminix Canada has a few doozy script ideas we’ve been developing to live vicariously through amateur script writers.
Hornets: An unlikely protagonist
Hornets have a cool sounding name, look the business, and have a reputation of intimidation borne from their fearsome stinger that proceeds them. Funnily enough, in contrast to these preconceived notions, hornets are a delightfully friendly breed of insect.
A hornet is not aggressive, and like most nest building insects, only attack to defend their colony when they feel it’s being threatened. They are also nature’s pest controllers, devouring troublesome pests such as aphids.
The hornet carries a certain swagger about it- after all, they have themselves an NBA team in Charlotte. The Charlotte Cockroaches doesn’t carry the same, how do you say it, oomph as The Charlotte Hornets. Think big budget action, with lots of one-liners, testosterone, and Michael Bay-level explosions.
Title: A Tale of Two Stingers
Plotline: Lt. Horner Hornet leads a troop of rag tag, loveable hornet soldiers into enemy territory, where a group of vicious wasps holds the hornet queen captive. They’ll either save her, defeating the wasp army in a blaze of fire powered glory, or they will meet an untimely, gruesome demise. You can take this script to the bank.
Allomerus Ants: Evil personified
Otherwise known as Allomerus decemarticulatus, this species of ants is situated in the Amazon and they are absolutely vicious. These little devils, are the sociopaths of the insect kingdom.
What makes these little devils so abhorrent?
They use traps reinforced with fungus to ambush large insects, stretching them out as though they were on a medieval torture rack while fellow nesters swarm in for a particularly brutal kill. How brutal? Once the bug is subdued, the nesting Allomerus ants grab their prey’s legs and antennae, then stretch them out flat and sting them to death before carving them up.
Naturally, such unfurled savagery lends itself to the big screen. Think Game of Thrones meets an Ant Farm. A raw, thoughtful story with tension, violence, and heartbreak.
Also, make sure the ants are voiced by British people, because all of the characters in these movies always seem to have British accents. Even if they’re from Denmark.
Title: Silence of the Ants
Plotline: A domineering queen ant, commands her Allomerus army with cunning ruthlessness. She does what she wants, when she wants, to whom she wishes. She has a taste for power, and a taste for murder, and her powerful army follows suit. Amidst this dismal existence, one outlier Allomerus, -named Anthony- stands alone as a revolutionary trying to change his tribe’s evil ways.
This plot is how you win yourself an Oscar.
Termites: Sixed-legged O.C.D
Termite infestation is nasty business but termites aren’t as nasty as they appear. Aesthetically, they are repulsive, living in the dirt and feeding off one another’s feces. However, since good hygiene keeps parasites and harmful bacteria under control within the colony; it’s pertinent to their survival to spend considerable time grooming one another.
Cleanliness is an oft touched upon trope in Hollywood, so you’ll be able to run with it in your upcoming summer blockbuster. It usually lends itself to odd couple pairings, which lends itself to laughter.
Title: How to Lose a Fly in 10 Dates
Plotline: A neurotic Termite named Tommy, hindered by its need for order and cleanliness meets a free-spirited germ infested fly; clashing, arguing, and falling in love with her while learning many life lessons along the way, usually in comedic fashion. Opposites do attract in this delightfully mad-capped romantic comedy.
Maybe you like the idea of these films, but still want to get rid of ants, fight termite infestation, or require hornet removal. Terminix Canada is your answer for any environmentally-friendly pest prevention needs in the GTA.
Click here for a free consultation!