The writing’s on the wall: a zombie invasion will happen sooner rather than later.
All the signs point to a Walking Dead-esque future. We mean, look at the indicators over the past year:
- Donald Trump became President Elect of the United States. That’s similar to the Ten Plagues of Egypt, probably.
- According to the Great Elephant Census, Tanzania lost half its elephants over the past five years, peaking in 2016. And we all know elephants are like kryptonite to the undead (Source: don’t worry about it).
- We were zombie-free in 2016, so going by logic, we’re due for a visit from the underworld. We’re pretty sure that’s how this works.
When we put the pieces together, and started thinking about zombie apocalypse emergency plans, that got us pondering further – would a zombie invasion be much worse than the pest infestations our exterminators battle regularly?
To illustrate our point, we’ll compare a zombie invasion to arguably the most troublesome of all pests: bed bugs. Wily and difficult to get rid of, bed bugs also travel in groups, biting and fiending on human flesh at any opportune moment.
Let’s see how these buggers match up to one another.
Zombies…can survive for lengthy periods of time (ie. eternity) without feeding.
Bed bugs…can survive for a lengthy 18 months without feeding.
We’ll give zombies and their perpetual longevity the upper hand here, with the ability to last longer than Larry King’s career.
Comparatively, a bed bug’s ability to last over a year without food may pale in comparison, but when those hungry bed bugs have invaded your home, it feels like a lifetime. To survive that long sans food, bed bugs are able to enter a hibernation-like state, forming a ‘hunger bubble’ that fills their gut satisfyingly.
Zombies…feast on human brains.
Bed bugs…feast on human blood.
It’s common knowledge that zombies enjoyed a nice, chilled brain, like Indian Jones’ dinner hosts in The Temple of Doom. That’s a frightening thought, but the logistics of getting to a human brain for a zombie is tricky. Besides being extremely sluggish, living people aren’t keen on giving up their brains so easily, and will likely defend their noggin and its contents.
That makes a bed bugs’ preference for human blood arguably worse, as it’s readily accessible and plentiful to the bloodsuckers.
They strike when you’re most vulnerable – while you’re asleep in bed. And you won’t even know you’re being siphoned; a bed bug’s saliva acts as an anesthetic, as well as increasing blood flow to the bite site, making the feeding process subtle and painless in the moment.
Bed bugs…multiply rapidly.
With 7 billion people calling planet Earth home, there’s a fine selection of humans to transform into zombie hordes.
Bed bug infestations grow quickly thanks to female bed bugs being egg-producing machines. Female bed bugs lay 1-3 eggs per day, and between 200-500 eggs in her lifetime! And this is over the course of just 12 months. The egg-to-egg life cycle is only 4-5 weeks as well, meaning a steady stream of bed bugs until the infestation is squashed.
Zombies…can turn you into a zombie if you’re bitten.
Bed bugs…can turn you into a zombie if you’re bitten (due to lack of sleep).
Like we mentioned, once a zombie bites you, you’re finished – you become one of their own (if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!).
Bed bugs can turn a human into a zombie too, from causing a lack of sleep. Bed bugs’ presence is unsettling enough, never mind the bed bug bites you’re putting yourself at risk to when you hop into bed.
The anxiety and fear of being dotted in little red bites are known to disrupt a person’s sleep, leading to brainless, zombieness in the morning.
Zombies…follow you everywhere.
Bed bugs…follow you everywhere.
To be fair, zombies are just looking for a little companionship (and flesh). It isn’t fun wandering through the underworld by yourself, you know.
Bed bugs seemingly follow you everywhere, because an infestation usually is everywhere. Bed bugs aren’t confined to the bedroom like their name suggests, but can invade every nook and cranny of your home (they actually prefer to harbor in those dark, secluded spots). To prevent bed bugs from returning, make sure you scour every inch of your house!
Zombies…can infest anyone, independent of class, gender, or nationality.
Bed bugs…can infest anyone’s home, independent of class, gender, or nationality.
Zombies are oblivious to creed or status – they’re equal opportunity biting fiends.
Bed bugs are similarly ruthless, infesting and nesting in any dark harborages. They’ve been known to move from hotels, into a traveler’s suitcase, and into a brand new home for them to settle in to. Bed bugs are so crafty, people have even had trouble with infestations in their electronics, like their smartphone or desktop computer.
Now that we’ve detailed some of key distinctions and similarities between these pests – which do YOU think is worse: a zombie invasion or a bed bug infestation? Share your opinion or experiences (with either zombies or bed bugs) on social media, or leave a comment below!
While we’re still working on an (organic) professional pest control plan for zombies, we’ve at least mastered preventing and eliminating bed bugs from residential and commercial buildings across the GTA.
For more information regarding our pest management & control services, or how to prevent bed bugs, call us at 905-738-6676!